I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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