I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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