PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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