Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
