nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
