At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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