just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
