A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
you guys were way drunker than both of me
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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