How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
you inspire me to be a worse person
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
The adults are the big ones right?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize