so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
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