Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
