I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
