Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
