I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
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