I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I still have a little drunk in my system
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
