So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
