So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
