i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
