do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
