I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Dignity is for republicans.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize