what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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