I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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