I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
