Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
