The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
