in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
