How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
