I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
