Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
