so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
