Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
