We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
