I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
