don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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