Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
