don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
