Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize