What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
