this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
