i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize