why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
