Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
