dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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