I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
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