Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize