I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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