Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
