Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
