I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
