she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
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