my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
