Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
