I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
