We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
