So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Your cock deserves a montage
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
