So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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