mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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