What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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