The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
