Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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