My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
