to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
