i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
