I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Your cock deserves a montage
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
