So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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