"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Randomize
