That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
