I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
