can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
