have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
